A Few Good Things

     I said in an earlier post that there were a few good things that happened after I finished the daily out-patient program.  One was finding out my liver just didn't metabolize my anti-depressants, because there were times of despair when I thought I must be crazy or something would work.  The other was when my psychiatrist told me I had "an intact personality".  Most people who have suffered from depression for as long as I have become warped.  But she said I had fought the depression mostly with my sense of humor and also by maintaining close personal relationships.  She said I wouldn't need any psychoanalysis after my depression was cured (a bit unhappy about the "cured" thing not going so well) because there was nothing wrong with me mentally.  You cannot imagine how validated that made me feel.
      I never believed behavioral therapy did anything for me.  I have not experienced dramatic changes in my life through the creation and repetition of positive affirmations.  I don't have obsessive thoughts of being of no value, of not accomplishing anything, of being plagued by mistakes I've made, of not being loved.  Of course I deserve to live.  And if I could live without depression, I would choose life, but if the depression is to continue for years without end, then I choose death.  The psycho-babblers who urge you to choose life because something good could be right around the corner, don't understand depression.
      I originally wanted this to be a place where ideas could be shared, but not being technically literate, I realized too late that that would be a forum, not a blog.  A forum is way beyond my skills, and even trying to make people "authors" doesn't seem to allow them to post, but maybe this idea would work:  If you want to say something, do it under "comment" and then I'll turn it into a new post so it will be more easily seen.  It doesn't really have to be a comment about what I've written; just whatever you're thinking about your own depression.